Oh Major Foul

Again, I've written several posts and haven't posted them. 

I promise myself that I shall finish this one in its entirety prior to going to bed.

Nevermind that it is 12:15 a.m. on Saturday and I have to be at work at 9 a.m.  I was dog tired at 9 p.m. tonight and of course now I have a 2nd wind and can't sleep. 

I've updated Facebook.  Graded some papers.  Watched NCIS.  Went to Wal Mart.

Dude...at Wal Mart I committed a major foul.  My sister and I were checking out, she was in front of me.   We had an incredibly long wait, by the way, because someone two people in front of us was using WIC and the cashier didn't know how to use the coupons.  So after waiting quite some time, we moved lines.  I digress....so our items are at the front of the line when I notice there is a two teenagers in front of us, one a boy and one a girl.  So I, thinking I'm being ever polite, say, "Don't start ringing up the stuff on the belt.  He has something in his hand."  The cashier looks, holds out his hand to receive said package.  The large box of condoms to which I have drawn everyone's attention.  We all know my voice carries.  A lot. 

Poor kids.  DOH!!

I was on vacation last week.  My first vacation in quite some time.  I loved every minute of it.  I didn't get squat done but I did get to spend some time with some people I have missed.  I had a different lunch date every day of the week.

We took Sabrina to the Melmed Center in Scottsdale to receive a final diagnosis.  She was diagnosed as being "High Functioning Aspergers."  What this means for us is WHEW!  Seriously.  Now we know.  She isn't deliberately being difficult.  She isn't deliberately different.  She is just Sabrina.  And now we know how to get her some help so that she can function in society.  She will be in a transitional class to go into high school which should help ease her into mainstream high school. 

It will require a lot of time, attention and money but it will be of great benefit to her in the long run. 

I'm still struggling quite a lot with Bob's family, Vickey's family and friends.  I've tried to have conversations with the different parties, only to find out that as usual, I said too much in my attempt to forge a connection.   I didn't say anything out of line, but I apparently gave the interested parties too much ammunition and it appears two of the women (MEOW!) were only befriending me so they could talk about me. 

1.  Uhhh if you are still talking about me, me and Bob...18 months later, odds are you need to find a hobby.
2.  Uhhh if you are still talking about me, me and Bob...18 months later, odds are you really need to get the hell over it and move on.

I mean seriously?  At some point, grow up and let go.

I had a long conversation with Bob's sister while on vacation.  I left feeling like it was a good conversation and we made a connection.  I guess we shall see how it plays out.

I am certain that I'm done trying.  I'm doing the best I can and I'm really done worrying and trying.

I also know that tonight as I was loading the pictures from Bob's siter's wedding, and I was editing a picture of Bob....an overwhelming feeling started to well up in my chest. The love I have for the man is strong.  And as I sit here looking at him while he's snoring, and I brush his hair from his forehead, tears well up in my eyes because I just adore him. 

And sometimes I cry because I just don't know if we will make it.  There are so many obstacles.  And most days, it just feels like its too much.  Somedays, I get frustrated beyond belief over his passiveness, his unwillingness to deal with things, our different parenting styles, our different styles of dealing with just about anything....I could go on.

Since I promised a post and it is now 1 a.m., I'm going to bed.  More next time.