I'm seriously considering going on a "household items" spending freeze until we use everything here. Today when I looked above the washer/dryer I saw:
1 giant bottle of dishsoap (the brother of the one under the sink
1 giant bottle of Lysol all purpose cleaner (the sister of the one under the sink)
2 giant bottles of fabric softener
2 giant bottles of Tide
3 boxes of Swiffers
And then I pulled the drawers out from under the washer and dryer. Both giant drawers are full.
See the trend? Shopping at Costco = GIANT everything. Everywhere.
I'm actually the one that buys such GIANT things because I hate running out of stuff.
However, today I'm feeling overwhelmed with it. Probably because the last of my belongings have been moved and the garage is incredibly full.. Which leads me to feeling overwhelmed. With stuff.j
Bob begs me to quit buying food and supplies constantly. The large amount of stuff is driving him nuts as well.
My desk at work is starting to remind me of our garage. Ickiness.
Moving on...
We are only going to counseling once a month now. I think we are in a good place. There are still days that I get frustrated but for the most part we are able to talk things through. Truly, the biggest problem of late seems to be lack of time. On Monday, I got home at 6:30ish. Tuesday it was 7:30ish. Wednesday 10ish and Thursday 10:30ish. Well...that means Bob is in bed. And we don't usually talk during the day. On Wednesdays we usually talk on my way to teach my class.
The kids seem to have adjusted to their routine and all seems amazingly normal.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Huh?
Two women I went to high school with have lost their husbands this year. That makes me very sad. And makes me want to take better care of my health. Another woman I went to high school with is dying of cancer. She has 7 kids.
It really actually scares the eebie jeebies out of me. I suppose as we continue to age, it's going to happen.
It's 11:41 p.m. I'm wide awake. I've been taking blood pressure medicine that seemed to be helping me get to sleep. No luck tonight. I think I'm brain just won't turn off.
Friday, we met with the high school guidance counselor and the elementary school staff for Sabrina's IEP. Gulp. Public education is scary. And it truly is no wonder so many kids in Arizona are getting through the school system completely uneducated. The assistant principal was there and my impression of her was that she was a complete moron -- and an unprepared moron at that. Sabrina's teacher left a lot to be desired. Luckily, and unluckily for me, I'm very accustomed to having very hard conversations with people because of my job. I let her be stupid for a little while and then I very nicely made her feel like an ass. It's a gift.
I can't believe in a few days my son will be a junior in high school. Holy canoli...where has the time gone? Seems like yesterday I was singing Lion King songs to him and dancing around in the livingroom. Or he was putting band-aids on all of his fingers and was roaring at everyone. The kid didn't talk but boy could he roar at everyone. I think he really thought he was Lion King.
This last weekend, Bob took the kids camping along with my dad and my brother. Some other friends went as well. I stayed home for a quiet, chore filled weekend. It's great that they can all go and get along. They really seem to enjoy each other's company. And it's great experience for Nick and Sabrina both. Sabrina was the only girl that went but she loved every minute of it.
Speaking of Sabrina...can someone explain to me the snotty teenaged girl attitude? The last two days, she has been a little snot box. If this is how things are going to be for a few years, I definitely need to pray for some more patience. My son learned very quickly to not throw attitude with me. I don't know that I know how to handle the girl snotty routine. I'm going to have to be very creative with discipline.
It really actually scares the eebie jeebies out of me. I suppose as we continue to age, it's going to happen.
It's 11:41 p.m. I'm wide awake. I've been taking blood pressure medicine that seemed to be helping me get to sleep. No luck tonight. I think I'm brain just won't turn off.
Friday, we met with the high school guidance counselor and the elementary school staff for Sabrina's IEP. Gulp. Public education is scary. And it truly is no wonder so many kids in Arizona are getting through the school system completely uneducated. The assistant principal was there and my impression of her was that she was a complete moron -- and an unprepared moron at that. Sabrina's teacher left a lot to be desired. Luckily, and unluckily for me, I'm very accustomed to having very hard conversations with people because of my job. I let her be stupid for a little while and then I very nicely made her feel like an ass. It's a gift.
I can't believe in a few days my son will be a junior in high school. Holy canoli...where has the time gone? Seems like yesterday I was singing Lion King songs to him and dancing around in the livingroom. Or he was putting band-aids on all of his fingers and was roaring at everyone. The kid didn't talk but boy could he roar at everyone. I think he really thought he was Lion King.
This last weekend, Bob took the kids camping along with my dad and my brother. Some other friends went as well. I stayed home for a quiet, chore filled weekend. It's great that they can all go and get along. They really seem to enjoy each other's company. And it's great experience for Nick and Sabrina both. Sabrina was the only girl that went but she loved every minute of it.
Speaking of Sabrina...can someone explain to me the snotty teenaged girl attitude? The last two days, she has been a little snot box. If this is how things are going to be for a few years, I definitely need to pray for some more patience. My son learned very quickly to not throw attitude with me. I don't know that I know how to handle the girl snotty routine. I'm going to have to be very creative with discipline.
Monday, May 9, 2011
That didn't take long
Our marriage counselor told us tonight that we probably didn't need to come back for a month or so.
Go figure. Three sessions and we are fixed.
Well, we aren't fixed but we are sure a lot better.
I asked Bob tonight what he learned. His response? "I learned I'm always right and you are always wrong." Dude.
But that's sort of the way it has gone. Not completely but the counselor made it very clear that sometimes my expectations aren't necessarily fair.
I do a good job of being my own advocate and confronting issues head on. But my expectation that Bob would speak up on my behalf when people are not being pleasant to me, isn't necessarily fair. Bob is responsive when I bring it up but I do have to bring it up. She said this is fair. It would be disrespectful if he wasn't reponsive to my request. So....okay. It's that "Can't read your mind thing."
All in all, I learned we do more right than wrong.
We communicate well (now). We show each other a lot of consideration and respect. We have a high level of trust.
I've learned to back up and let him process. He's slower than I am.
I've learned to wait for him and not jump in when he pauses.
I've learned that we process things very differently and that's okay.
He's learned to talk. Seriously. He did. He is talking more and more. Speaking to the counselor about some things seems to have broken something loose in him.
He's learned that he loves the stability that I bring to his life. He loves my family. He loves that we are able to talk things through.
And today, when we finished up...laughing at each other, it made me love him even more.
For a man that refused to go to counseling, that counseling was a joke, he really stepped up and participated fully.
Go figure. Three sessions and we are fixed.
Well, we aren't fixed but we are sure a lot better.
I asked Bob tonight what he learned. His response? "I learned I'm always right and you are always wrong." Dude.
But that's sort of the way it has gone. Not completely but the counselor made it very clear that sometimes my expectations aren't necessarily fair.
I do a good job of being my own advocate and confronting issues head on. But my expectation that Bob would speak up on my behalf when people are not being pleasant to me, isn't necessarily fair. Bob is responsive when I bring it up but I do have to bring it up. She said this is fair. It would be disrespectful if he wasn't reponsive to my request. So....okay. It's that "Can't read your mind thing."
All in all, I learned we do more right than wrong.
We communicate well (now). We show each other a lot of consideration and respect. We have a high level of trust.
I've learned to back up and let him process. He's slower than I am.
I've learned to wait for him and not jump in when he pauses.
I've learned that we process things very differently and that's okay.
He's learned to talk. Seriously. He did. He is talking more and more. Speaking to the counselor about some things seems to have broken something loose in him.
He's learned that he loves the stability that I bring to his life. He loves my family. He loves that we are able to talk things through.
And today, when we finished up...laughing at each other, it made me love him even more.
For a man that refused to go to counseling, that counseling was a joke, he really stepped up and participated fully.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
What I've learned from couple's counseling so far:
We do more right than we do wrong. I suppose that's a plus.
Marriage even a pseudo-marriage requires an awful lot of work.
Marriage, even a pseudo-marriage is nothing like anything you or I have ever read in a romance novel. The day to day is just not fantastic.
As the counselor was asking what our normal routine was, we both finally looked at each other and smirked. Yep, we are very boring. Work, home, dinner, bed. Rinse. Repeat.
I've personally learned that I must back off. I know, it's a shock....I have to let Bob find his way at his speed. Conversely, he needs to learn to step up. It isn't my responsibility to do all of the parenting.
We have one major sticking point that we must continue to work through but I anticipate that we won't need to keep going to counseling for very much longer. I figure a few more weeks and then probably some check ups every now and again.
Our sticking point is being addressed, I hope. That sticking point is larger than both of us combined I'm afraid and requires further outside help. But the boundaries are being set by us with clear consequences also be set forth. You can't make someone want to be a part of a larger entity. But we can do our best that they don't destroy the larger entity.
Marriage even a pseudo-marriage requires an awful lot of work.
Marriage, even a pseudo-marriage is nothing like anything you or I have ever read in a romance novel. The day to day is just not fantastic.
As the counselor was asking what our normal routine was, we both finally looked at each other and smirked. Yep, we are very boring. Work, home, dinner, bed. Rinse. Repeat.
I've personally learned that I must back off. I know, it's a shock....I have to let Bob find his way at his speed. Conversely, he needs to learn to step up. It isn't my responsibility to do all of the parenting.
We have one major sticking point that we must continue to work through but I anticipate that we won't need to keep going to counseling for very much longer. I figure a few more weeks and then probably some check ups every now and again.
Our sticking point is being addressed, I hope. That sticking point is larger than both of us combined I'm afraid and requires further outside help. But the boundaries are being set by us with clear consequences also be set forth. You can't make someone want to be a part of a larger entity. But we can do our best that they don't destroy the larger entity.
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