I seriously covet a Taser. A pink one. I'll take either one that you shoot or a handheld one. They both have their benefits. Alas, I would definitely use it. And very likely get charged with assault because of said usage. But seriously, some people need Tased. Like the lady this morning at Starbucks who ordered $36 worth of coffee. In. The. Drive-Thru. Seriously? Get your fat butt out of the car and go inside. Quit cogging up the well-oil wheel of the Starbucks Drive-Thru.
I also wanted to Tase the idiot in the bathroom. On her cell phone. Uhhh...really? We don't know how to say, "Hey, let me call you back..." I mean, what if I farted while she was on the phone? That's what happens in the bathroom, you know. Usually not if someone else is in there or at least not without a courtesy flush but sometimes, one squeeks out. The poor person on the other end will hear the echo of my Starbucks fart reverberating through the bathroom. Not cool. Just not cool. It deserves a 3,000 volt jolt.
I actually find myself contemplating my Taser usage. On certain people periodically. Ahhhh....the fantasy. One day my pretty I shall tase you too....Muah ha ha ha ha.
Now that I'm 40. Sigh. Did I really just start a sentence with that phrase? Now that I'm 40. Holy Crap Batman. Ahem.
Now that I'm 40, I'm finding myself more and more inclined to just say things. Not that I was ever really inclined to not speak my mind but I actually told a student yesterday to pull up his pants; that I didn't want to see his underwear any more than he wanted to see mine; and if he didn't pull up his pants NOW I was pulling mine down. Uhhh...I really should have been nicer as I'm in management. And I'm a Director. But the dude had his pants down with no shorts on underneath. Really? I don't get the whole concept but at least put shorts un underneath. He was showing his Hanes. And Michael Jordan he wasn't. The kid looked at me like I was a complete loon and stuttered, "No Ma'am...please don't." That's What I Thought, PUNK.
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